XX - Adult Puns!

"And, Doctor, as a result of your examination of the plaintiff in this
case, was the young lady pregnant?"
"The young lady was pregnant, but not as a result of my examination."

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives.
The first said,
"I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last
ten years perfecting his stroke."
The second woman said,
"My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into
bed, he gives me several hundred exciting laps."
The third woman was silent until she was asked,
"Tell us about your husband."
She thought for a moment and said,
"My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler."
"How so?"
"He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."

Did you hear about the girl chasing the boy around the church?
She caught him by the organ!

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
His elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says,
'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies,
'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221..'

A man goes to his doctor for a check-up.
Half way through, the doctor tells him to take down his trousers.
The doctor pulls forward his pants and stands back in surprise, as
there is a squirrel in a chauffeur's uniform and little hat.
The doctor, in disbelief, looks again; and, sure enough, there is the
squirrel dressed as a chauffeur.
"Did you know you have got a squirrel dressed as a chauffeur down your
pants?" asks the doctor.
"Yes," says the man, "he's driving me nuts."

One Sunday morning, about four weeks ago, I found my dyslexic friend
covering his willy with black shoe polish.
I said
"No, no, Frank. Today you have to turn your clock back !"

"My hubby & I have, what he calls 'Olympic Sex'."
"Wow, you must be have a terrific sex life?"
"Not really. It only happens once every four years."

While making love to his wife, Bill discovered he couldn't enjoy it.
Though they had been married only a few years, he reflected unhappily,
their love-making had become infrequent and bland.
Then, quite suddenly, alarmed, he said:
"What happened, did I hurt you?"
"Why no, not at all." said his surprised wife. "Whatever made you ask that?"
"Well, no reason actually." the bored husband replied with a sigh,
"It's just that for a moment there, I thought you actually moved."

We were having such a romantic afternoon making love in the back of
the Mercedes - then they kicked us out of the showroom.