Morning Jokes.

An ode of English Plurals:
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse
Or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
*
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a
Whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
*
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
*
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly,
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from guinea nor is it a pig.
*
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
What do you call it?
*
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What does a humanitarian eat?
*
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
*
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.
*
And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
- Author(s) Unknown
~~~~~~~~~~
THINGS ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM A JIGSAW PUZZLE
1. Don't force a fit.
If something is meant to be, it will come together naturally.
2. When things aren't going so well, take a break.
Everything will look different when you return.
3. Be sure to look at the big picture.
Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.
4. Perseverance pays off.
Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.
5. When one spot stops working, move to another.
But be sure to come back later (see #4).
6. The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook.
7. Variety is the spice of life.
It's the different colours and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.
8. Working together with friends and family makes any task fun.
9. Establish the border first.
Boundaries give a sense of security and order.
10. Don't be afraid to try different combinations.
Some matches are surprising.
11. Take time often to celebrate your successes (even little ones).
12. Anything worth doing takes time and effort.
A great puzzle can't be rushed.
~~~~~~~~~~
Northern Lights
This guy and his girlfriend lived in Austin and they decided to go and
see the northern lights.
They figured that they would just drive north on I-35 until they got
to the end and that should do it.
So, they set out on their trip and they're both very excited.
They are so excited that it is all they can talk about.
Well, after a couple of days they get to the end of I-35 just south of
the Canadian border.
They find a nice field to park in and the entire sky is lit up with
the beautiful northern lights.
The guy, who's been driving, leaps out of the car at the wonder of it
all; he's jumping up and down like a little kid.
Meanwhile, his girlfriend is still sitting in the car reading a magazine.
He can't believe it!
So, he says,
"What's the matter? Does the aurora bore ya, Alice?"