XX - Adult Puns!

The difference between sin and shame is:
It's a sin to put it in,
But it's a shame to pull it out.

At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines.
Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines
they know and what they are used for.
The first pupil said:
"Tylenol?"
"Very good! And what is it used for?"
"It is used for a headache."
The second pupil said:
"Nytol."
"Excellent!" said Sister Catherine.
"And what it is used for?"
"To help you sleep," replied the student.
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said:
 "Viagra."
"And what is it used for, Johnny?" asked the surprised Sister Catherine.
"It is used for diarrhoea."
"And who told you this, Johnny?"
"Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father take a viagra,
and maybe that shit will get harder."
Sister Catherine fainted.

You know the romance is over when you come to bed, ready to make love
to your wife, and she is on the phone, and she tells whoever she is
talking to that she will call them back in ten minutes.

A man went into a store to buy some condoms.
"That's 1 dollar 15 plus tax," said the store assistant.
"I don't need tacks," said the man. "It'll stay up all by itself."

A guy and several of his buddies used to frequent a certain restaurant.
The food was always good, but the waitress always looked and sounded very sour.
One evening, one of the friends was feeling rather good, and jokingly
asked the waitress when she came to take their orders,
"Do you believe in free sex?"
The waitress huffed up and yelled at him,
"I certainly do NOT!"
"Soooo," asked they guy, "what do you charge?"

A girl I know left the promotional orgy at the Sex Device
Manufacturers' Convention feeling unease.
She didn't know what was eating her.