Paraprosdokians

I had to look up definition of "paraprosdokian" which is:

"Figure of speech in  which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is
surprising or  unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."

"Where  there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of  paraprosdokian.

Ok, so now enjoy!

    1.  Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level
and beat  you with his experience.

    2. The last thing I  want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my  list.

    3. Light travels faster than  sound. This is why some people
appear bright until you hear them  speak.

    4. If I agreed with you, we'd  both be wrong.

    5. We never really grow  up, we only learn how to act in public.

     6. War does not determine who is right - only who is  left.

    7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato  is a fruit. Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit  salad.

    8. Evening news is where they  begin with 'Good Evening,' and then
proceed to tell you why it  isn't.

    9. To steal ideas from one person  is plagiarism. To steal from
many is research.

    10. A bus station is where a  bus stops. A train station is where
a train stops. On my desk, I have a  work station.

    11. I thought I wanted a  career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

    12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In
case  of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

     13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming  you.

    14. Women will never be equal to  men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut,  and still think they are
sexy.

    15.  Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of
a  successful man is usually another woman.

     16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

    17. I asked God for a bike, but  I know God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for  forgiveness.

    18. You do not need a  parachute to skydive. You only need a
parachute to skydive twice.

    19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to
live  with.

    20. There's a fine line between  cuddling and holding someone down
so they can't get  away.

    21. I used to be indecisive. Now  I'm not so sure.

     22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

    23. To be always sure you hit the  target, shoot first and call
whatever you hit, the target.

    24. Nostalgia isn't what it used  to be.

    25. Change is inevitable, except  from a vending machine.

    26. Going to  church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage  makes you a car.

    27. A diplomat is  someone who tells you to go to hell in such a
way that you look forward  to the trip.

    28. Hospitality is making  your guests feel at home even when you
wish they  were.

    29. I always take life with a  grain of salt. Plus a slice of
lemon…………..and a double shot of  tequila.

    30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.

Words of  Wisdom
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
~ Jon Hammond