Morning Jokes.

Blonde in a Small Town
Late one Sunday afternoon, a blonde from a small town was taking a
long walk through a nearby meadow, when she was surprised to see a
parachutist trapped in the high branches of a tree.
"Hellllllp!" he cried when he spotted her down below.
"What are you doing up there?" she called back.
"I was skydiving," he answered, "and my parachute didn't open!"
The blonde rolled her eyes.
"Well, of course it didn't. If you'd just asked one of the locals,
anybody could've told you that *nothing* around here opens on a
Sunday!"
~~~~~~~~~~
Too Cute
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night.
'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my
bedroom window.'
BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer.
She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle.
Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and
she'd have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked:
'How does it know it's me?'
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups.
'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked,
'How much do I cost?'
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried when his Mom asked
what was troubling him, he replied,
'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How
will my wife fit in it?'
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant.
Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad:
'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
wrinkled woman her Mom knew.
Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked,
'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story.
His dad read, 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee
out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.
' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'
~~~~~~~~~~
How They Met
"Do you remember first meeting your wife?"
"Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted her to her
feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry me, she would begin
a new life and I'd never allow her near the gutter again."
"Wow, I hope she appreciates what you did for her."
"Not really. Jill hated to give up bowling."

Two old gambling friends meeting on the street for the first time in
several weeks and one asked the other,
"Joe, where you been? Haven't seen you around for weeks."
"I've been to South Africa with my son. While I was there, I taught
some of them to play poker."
"Zulus?"
"Nah, I beat them 4 out of five times."
~~~~~~~~~~
One October my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington's Olympic Peninsula.
We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard
that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable.
Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on.
Sure enough, we had gone only a short way up the High Rain Forest Road
when we saw a sign:
"Ice 10 miles."
Five miles farther on there was another:
"Ice 5 miles."
The next one was:
"Ice 1/2 mile."
We practically crept that half-mile.
We came to the last sign.
It was outside a small grocery, and it read:
"Ice 75 cents."