Afternoon Jokes.

Terms to Know
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FOREIGN FILM --

Any movie shown in Texas theater that isn't a western.
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OPTIMIST --

Girl who regards a bulge as a curve.
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MAGAZINE --

Bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.
*
COLLEGE --

The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
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EMERGENCY NUMBERS --

Police station, fire department and places that feliver.
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OPERA --

When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.
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BUFFET --

A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself."
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BABY-SITTER --

A teenager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are
out can behave like teenagers.
*
TATTOO --

Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

~~~~~~~~~~
Knowing Your Terms
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TRAFFIC LIGHT --

Apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.
*
DIVORCE --

Postgraduate in School of Love.
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PIONEER --

Early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
*
PEOPLE --

Some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority
has no idea what's happened.
*
SWIMMING POOL --

A mob of people with water in it.
*
SELF-CONTROL --

The ability to eat only one peanut.
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SALESMAN --

Man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink.
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CANNIBAL --

Person who likes to see other people stewed.
*
EGOCENTRIC --

A person who believes he is everything you know you are.

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An Addiction
Connie told her 4-year-old grandson, Dean, not to jump on the beds.
After several warnings she punished him, explaining that should he
fall, he would hurt himself badly.
Several minutes passed... And he was back to jumping on the beds.
Connie said, "Dean, you weren't jumping on the beds again, were you?"
He stood with his little head dropped low and said, "I'm trying, but
it's so hard to quit."

~~~~~~~~~~
Religion Explained by Kids
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Sunday School students tell about the Bible:
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-- St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

-- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others
before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by
sweat alone."

-- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get
the tombstone off the entrance.

-- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

-- A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

-- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

-- One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.

-- When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

-- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which
is another name for marriage.