Adult Puns!

If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

"When I see a monk's ass I just grab it."
Said the lazily amorous abbot.
"Although it's more fun
To have sex with a nun,
It's so hard to get into the habit!"

The difference between looking for a lost golf ball and Lady Godiva is:
One is a hunt on the course.

Billy-Joe and Betty-Sue get married, and Billy-Joe whisks her away to
his daddy's hunting cabin in the woods, for a romantic 'nature
honeymoon'.
He carries her across the threshold, and they get into bed, when
Betty-Sue whispers in his ear,
"Billy-Joe, be gentle, I ain never been with a man b'fore."
"What?" shouts Billy-Joe, and his little bride softly shakes her head.
Billy-Joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes, and races out the door,
into his truck, down the mountain, straight to his parents house,
rushes inside screaming
"Hey Daddy!, Paw! Git'up!"
His father rushes downstairs and gasps,
"Billy-Joe, what'r you doin here?" Billy-Joe, still breathing hard
from his mad flight, gasps "Well, Betty-Sue an I was in the cabin, and
she toll me she ain't never been with a man afore, So's I rushed outta
there, an' lit back here quick as I could!"
His father grasps Billy-Joe's shoulder in reassurance, and says,
"Son, Ya done the right thing. Iffin she ain't good'nuff fer her
family, she shure as heck ain't good'nuff fer ours!"

Confucius says:
Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment, not get new key.

A new restaurant opened up here in town.
The restaurant is said to be doing well.
It has a remarkable motto, which is said to promote safe sex.
When asked how they do that, the owner said,
"We write the bill on on a condom. That way you can wine and dine your
date and when you are done, you can stick her with the bill."