Morning Jokes.

Pampered Pigs
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and
during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary
manner.
The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig
would eat the apples off the tree directly.
The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig
was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer,
"This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can
imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply
shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the
ground!"
The farmer looked puzzled and replied,
"What's time to a pig?"
~~~~~~~~~~
Count to Three
A man and woman were on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship.
On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the
beautiful mountain passes of Europe.
As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse
mis-steps and jostles the man's wife.
Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse,
and stares into its eyes.
Finally, he states,
"That's one."
The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride.
A bit further down the path, the woman's horse stumbles when stepping
over a fallen tree.
The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states,
"That's two!"
He returns to his saddle and they move on.
As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman's horse once again lost
its footing on a mossy slope.
The man dismounts, moves to the woman's horse, and helps his wife out
of the saddle. The man, moving to the front of the horse, stares it in
the eyes and firmly says,
"That's three,"
Removes a pistol from his vest, and shots the horse dead.
The woman, quite upset at seeing the beautiful horse killed, says to
her husband, "That's terrible, why would you do such a thing!"
The man stares at his wife and firmly says,
"That's one!"
~~~~~~~~~~
About Two Miles
A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie.
It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest,
were impatient to reach the next town.
A rancher rode past.
"Say, friend", called out one of the men, "how far is it to the next town?"
"Oh, a matter of two miles or so, I reckon," called back the rancher.
Another long hour dragged by, and another rancher was encountered.
"How far to the next town?" the men asked him eagerly.
"Oh, a good two miles."
A nearly half hour longer of marching, and then a third rancher.
"Hey, how far's the next town?"
"Not far," was the encouraging answer, "only about two miles."
"Well," sighed the optimistic sergeant, "thank God, we're holding our
own, anyhow!"
~~~~~~~~~~
Bangety Bang Bang!
Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his
sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.
"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom.
Just point it at the Germans, and go,
'Bangety Bang Bang'."
"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit.
The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and
attaches it to the handle end.
"Here, use this... Just go, 'Stabity Stab stab'."
The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom.
Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him.
The recruit points the broom,
"Bangety Bang Bang!"
The German falls dead.
More Germans appear.
The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes
"Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!"
He mows down the enemy by the dozens.
Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier
walking slowly toward him. "Bangety Bang Bang!" shouts the recruit.
The German keeps coming.
"Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail.
He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!"
It's no use!
The German keeps coming.
He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says,
"Tankety Tank Tank."