Morning Jokes.

Baggage
My dear friend, a divorcee, never remarried, and her daughter wanted
to know why.
"The men I know would bring too much heavy baggage to the marriage and
I simply don't want to put up with it," she explained.
Taking her mother's hand in hers, my friend's daughter said sweetly,
"I hate to break the news to you, Mom, but you're not exactly carry-on
yourself."
~~~~~~~~~~
Groaners
*
-- An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to look at either.
*
-- Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
*
-- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the
vet, "let's have a look at him." So, he picks the dog up and examines
his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have
to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
*
-- Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to
Dolly,"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
*
-- I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
~~~~~~~~~~
Rim Shot
*
-- I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that
he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks
are too high."
*
-- A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
*
-- I went to a seafood disco last week... And pulled a mussel.
*
-- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.
*
-- What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
*
-- A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't
serve food in here."
~~~~~~~~~~
Quick Ones
*
-- Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
*
-- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes,
I'm positive..."
*
-- A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but don't start anything."
*
-- Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
*
-- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
*
-- A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."