XX - Adult Puns!

The manufacturer of a well-known tonic for people with "tired" blood
received this inadvertently racy testimonial from a little old lady
who lived on a farm in Tennessee: "Before taking your tonic," the
woman wrote, "I was too tired to hoe the fields or pick the cotton.
But after only two bottles of your delicious mixture, I've become the
best cotton-picking hoer in the county!"

The judge looked down at the attractive plaintiff.
"You claim that the defendant stole your money from your stocking?"
"That's right, Your Honour,"
"Well, why didn't you resist?"
The girl blushed and lowered her eyes.
"I didn't know he was after my money, your Honour."

You've gotta hand it to the blind hooker.

A guy meets a cute girl at a bar and strikes up a conversation.
Many drinks and a long enjoyable evening later, he asks her to come
back to his apartment.
In no time, they are in the throws of passion, tearing off each others' clothes.
His manhood at full attention, he has just her socks and panties to go
before reaching the promised land.
When he pulls off her socks he realizes that she is missing all 10 toes.
She explains that she lost them after having been unprotected in
freezing weather, and they were amputated due to frostbite.
This immediately causes him to lose his erection and to have no desire
to continue with his love making.
No longer the least bit interested in continuing, he apologizes to her
and rushes to get her dressed and out of his house.
As she was a real beauty and he couldn't wait to mount her, the event
really bothers him So, he visits his doctor and relates what happened.
Upon finishing his story, the doctor pats him on the shoulder and says
"Nothing to fret about. It just appears that you are lack toes intolerant."

Did you hear about the nymphomaniac at the hotel pool?
She was barred from the area after the lifeguard saw her go down for
the third time.

A Jewish lady is sitting at home when the phone rings.
"Hello" she says.
"Hello" says the male voice at the other end. "I'll bet you'd really
like it if I came round, ripped off your skirt and blouse and bra and
panties, then threw you to the floor and made hot, sweaty love to
you…."
The Jewish lady replies,
"From 'hello' you can tell all this?"

The bar was getting ready to close, so he asked the nearest woman:
"What would you say to a little "oral" activity?"
"That all depends," she quickly responded. "Your face, or mine?"