Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers #1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when
one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own
business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The
first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes
probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs
to be.

Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The
priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with
him." He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of
us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh,
yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free
anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's
so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The
doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The
engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build
targets.

Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The
graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The
graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must
have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a
civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it isn't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it isn't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog
spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a
beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took
the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the
pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've
told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one
week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer
said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but
a talking frog - now that's cool.