Afternoon Jokes.

The Church Plaque
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed Little Johnny was staring up at
the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.
The seven-year- old had been staring at the plaque for some time,
So, the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly,
"Good morning, son."
"Good morning pastor" replied the young man, focused on the plaque.
"Sir, what is this?" Little Johnny asked.
"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service,"
replied the pastor.
Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly,
"Which one, sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?"
~~~~~~~~~~
Needing Help
Sophie went to see a psychiatrist about her husband.
"Doctor, My husband has this problem. Almost every night now he's
dreaming he's a refrigerator!"
"My dear, that is not really a problem! A lot of people dream that
they are somebody or something unusual..."
Sophie leans forward as she softly whispers this confidence:
"But you see doctor it is also a problem for me! Jake sleeps with his
mouth open and the light keeps me awake!"
~~~~~~~~~~
Bad Combinations
Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 60, WAY over 60, or hovering near
60) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves.
We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or
not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions.
Despite what you may have seen on the streets,
The following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
*
1.
A nose ring and bifocals
2.
Spiked hair and bald spots
3.
A pierced tongue and dentures
4.
Miniskirts and support hose
5.
Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6.
Speedo's and cellulite
7.
A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8.
Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9.
Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10.
Bikinis and liver spots
11.
Short shorts and varicose veins
12.
Inline skates and a walker
*
And last, but not least...
My personal favourite:
*
13.
Thongs and Depends.
Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop.
~~~~~~~~~~
Ants
The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson.
"Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times
their own weight.
What do you conclude from that?"
One child was ready with an answer:
"They don't have a union."