Morning Jokes.

Inflated Ego
A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed
she had bought a new book entitled,
"What 20 Million American Women Want."
He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages.
His wife was a little annoyed.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?"
He calmly replied,
"I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right."
~~~~~~~~~~
Points to Ponder
*
* Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

* The real reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do.

* Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

* Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

* A closed mouth gathers no feet.

* A man (or woman) who can smile when things go wrong has found
someone to blame it on.

* A modern pioneer is a woman who can get through a rainy Saturday
with a television on the blink.

* The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some
willing to let them.

* Money isn't everything....there's credit cards, money orders, and
travelers cheque's.
~~~~~~~~~~
Think About It
*
* Money doesn't bring you happiness,
But it enables you to look for it in more places.

* Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong,
But it sure keeps you from enjoying it.

* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist
change places.

* Misers aren't much fun to live with,
But they make great ancestors.

* Be careful what rut you choose.
You may be in it the rest of your life.

* The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

* When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a
public restroom.
~~~~~~~~~~
Church Money
A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask
the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting
for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he talked with the organist to see what kind of
inspirational music she could play after the announcement about the
finances to get the congregation in a giving mood.
"Don't worry," she said. "I'll think of something."
During the service, the minister paused and said,
"Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs
cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you
who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
Just at that moment, the organist started playing,
"The Star Spangled Banner."