Doctors' notes on patients' hospital charts

(purportedly unedited)

1. Patient has chest pain if lying on her left side for over a year.

2. On the 2nd day the knee was better, and on the 3rd day it
disappeared altogether.

3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1997.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly.
She also appears to be depressed.

5. Discharge status:
Alive but without permission.

6. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

7. The patient refused an autopsy.

8. The patient has no past history of suicides.

9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

10. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant,
with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal exam revealed a normal-sized thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated most of her life, until
she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job
as a lawyer instead.

21. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

22. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

23. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should
sit on the abdomen, and I agree.

24. She has had no rigours or shaking chills, but her husband says
that last night in bed, she was very hot.

25. Patient has two teen-age children, but no more abnormalities.