Morning Jokes.

Tourists ask a lot of interesting questions as we travel among the
Hawaiian Islands on my charter boat.
Some people wanted to know,
"Does the water go all the way around the island?"
Another asked,
"How much farther until we're in the ocean?"
The one that made me want to jump overboard was,
"Can you please take the boat closer to the sunset?"

Nights in England are coal black, making parachute jumps difficult.
We attach small lights called chemlites to make our jump suits visible
to the rest of the team.
Late one night, lost after a practice jump, we knocked at the door of
a small cottage. When a woman answered, she was greeted by the sight
of five men festooned in glowing chemlites.
"Excuse me," I said, "Can you tell us where we are?"
In a thick English accent, the woman replied,
"Earth."

I believe Spud wants a pair of glasses.
I don't know why she does.
Perhaps glasses are now "cool" to have in school?
But though she sees just fine, she still says she needs glasses.
I took her to the eye doctor just to check it out though.
Spud was asked to read the bottom tow of letters on the eye chart.
She said,
"All right, I can see the 'O' and the 'P' and the 'T,' but not the 'N'
and the 'Z.'"

Now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing all
aspects of their future.
"What will you do if I die before you do?" Dad asked Mom.
After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a
house-sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who
might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her
age.
Then Mom asked Dad,
"What will you do if I die first?"
He replied,
"Probably, the same thing."