XX - ADULT PUNS!

Bankers make the best lovers because they know first hand the penalty
for early withdrawal.

There was an announcement in our homeowners association bulletin of a
meeting of the local Premature Ejaculators Anonymous group at the
clubhouse at 8 PM Wednesday.
I decided to go and see what the group was like.
I walked into the clubhouse meeting room just before 8:00 that evening
and found the room completely empty.
It was then I realized that I came too soon.

Tip for beginning rock stars:
Never moon the audience while suffering from projectile diarrhoea ~
that's when the shit hits the fan.

An eight-year-old boy asked his father what is the difference with an
old-time woman's panty and a now-a- days panty.
His father told him that from his experience the only suitable answer
he could give him was that you had to move the panty to see the ass a
long time ago, but now you have to move the ass to see the panty!

Gay politicians are always seeking mandates.

During the Richard Nixon debacle, and the "Saturday Night Massacre, in
which Nixon fired his special prosecutor Archibald Cox, a bumper
sticker displayed the next day in Washington read,
"Nixon is a Cox sacker."

My ex thought he was so good he called himself 'Hammer.'
He liked to talk about how often he nailed me.

There was a Chinese father named Cheng who was very close to his son.
They used to go everywhere together including looking for "birds"
(Chinese slang for prostitute).
One day, Chung the son decided to go overseas for study.
The father was very supportive, and before his son left, the father told him,
"Chung we cannot look for chicken together for the next few years.
However, if you need to look for chicken, please go ahead and I will
pay for it. But please state the expense as 'Shooting Bird' so that
your mother will not suspect."
So, the son left, and after a month, the father received the bill from
Chung, the son, (shooting bird - $300).
Subsequently, and for the next few months, the bill for shooting bird
is more than $700. Well, the father could not tolerate this,
So, he wrote to his son.
"Chung Son, you have been shooting too expensive bird, try some cheaper one".
A month later, Cheng, the father, received another bill from his son.
On it he had written:
Shooting Bird - $50
Rifle Repair - $2,000

Did you hear about he new athletic shoe for lesbians?
They are called "Dikes."
They come with an extra long tongue and you can get them off with one finger!