XX - Adult Puns!

There were two factories in New York City.
One of them made maternity frocks for expectant mothers,
So, they were called the "Mothers Frockers."
The factory across the street made corks for wine bottles.
They had to soak the corks before they could put them into the bottles,
So, they were called the "Cork Soakers".
One day, a Cork Soaker didn't soak a cork long enough and it flew out
of one of the bottles and hit one of the Mother Frockers in the eye.
That made all the Mother Frockers mad at the Cork Soakers,
So, they went outside and had the biggest Mother-Frocking Cork-Soaking
fight you ever saw.

A college professor in an art class asked his students to sketch a
picture of a naked man.
As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches, he
noticed that one of the young ladies, a striking young thing, had
sketched the man with an erection.
Slightly flustered, the professor said,
"Oh, no, I wanted it the other way."
She replied,
"What other way?"

If size doesn't matter, how come my girlfriends vibrator isn't three
inches long and crooked?

A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to his house
for an early afternoon "quickie."
"Don't worry," he purrs. "My wife is out of town on a business trip,
there's no risk."
As one thing leads to another, the woman reaches into her purse and
suddenly gasps, "We have to stop, I forgot to bring birth control!"
"No problem," her lover replies. "I'll get my wife's diaphragm."
After a few minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in a fury.
"That witch!" he exclaims.
"She took it with her! I always knew she didn't trust me!"

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business
can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?

Okay, am I the only one who can see more than one meaning for the phrase:
"It's time to get in touch with ourselves"?
Apparently, I am, at least at the group session of Masturbators Anonymous.

An Australian was walking down a country road in New Zealand, when he
happened to glance over the fence and see a farmer goin' at it with a
sheep.
The Aussie is quite taken aback by this,
So, he climbs the fence and walks over to the farmer.
He taps him on the shoulder and says,
"You know mate, back home, we shear those!"
The New Zealander looks frantically around and says,
"I'm not bloody shearing this with no one!

Let's play Titanic,
When I say iceberg,
You go down.

I don't know what happening in this country.
You've got school children dressing like whores and whores dressing
like school children.
Its a nightmare...
You just don't know whether to carry sweets or money!

Whenever I come home from playing golf, my son always asks me excitedly,
"Did you win, Dad?"
I have explained to him time and time again that you're really just
playing against yourself.
This time the family was on vacation and I had gone out to play a round.
When I returned, the kids were swimming in the hotel pool, which was
full of young kids and surrounded by dozens of parents.
From across the pool, at the top of his lungs, my son yelled,
"Hey Dad! Were you just playing with yourself?"
We checked out that night.