XX - ADULT PUNS!

You know you are trailer trash when you let your twelve-year-old
daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.

A Canadian official miss spoke when asking people for "more sex
stories", instead of "more success stories".
He's not that far off since most success stories in business involve
screwing someone.

My mother never understood why I laughed every time she called me a
"Son of a Bitch."

A waitress walks up to a table where three Japanese men are seated.
When she gets to the table, the waitress notices that the three men
are furiously masturbating.
She asks,
"What the hell are you three perverts doing?"
One man replies,
"We all very hungry!"
She answers,
"But why are you jerking off?"
Another man answers,
"Because menu say 'First Come, First Served!'"

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle,
He just didn't have the balls to do it.

A window cleaner goes to a monastery looking for work.
The Abbot hires him but tells him to clean all the windows except the top three.
So, the window cleaner cleans all the windows except the top three for
years and years until curiosity finally gets the better of him.
He puts his ladder up against the first of the three windows and looks in.
He sees 12 monks with their robes up and their cocks lying on a table
with a mouse running around on top of the table.
The window cleaner goes down the ladder moves to the second window and
looks in. There he sees a beautiful woman and a monk in bed screwing
like mad.
The window cleaner goes down the ladder and puts it up against the third window.
He looks in and sees a monk tied up, stripped to the waist being flogged.
He climbs down the ladder, but when he gets to the bottom the Abbot is
waiting for him. The window cleaner says,
"Look, I know your going to fire me, but please, at least tell me what
is going on up there."
"Well, " says the Abbot, "in the first window you saw a competition to
see which is the lucky monk. Wherever the mouse stops is the lucky
monk. And in the second window you saw a monk with the prize. "
"But what about the third window? "the window cleaner asks.
"Well, " says the Abbot, "that monk was caught with a piece of cheese
in his foreskin. "
Foreplay:

The procrastination & masturbation preceding penetration

A man gets up one morning to find his wife in the kitchen cooking, he
looks to see what she's cooking, and sees one of his socks in frying
pan.
"what are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed
very drunk," she replied.
Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself,
"I don't remember asking her to cook my sock."

A Rabbi, a Protestant minister and a Catholic Priest were taking a
party of young boys kids on a cruise.
Suddenly, the ship hit a rock and began to sink.
The Rabbi cried out,
"Quick! Save the kids!"
"Screw the kids!" said the minister heading out.
"Do you think we have time?" asked the priest.

Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
Only after lights out.