XX - Adult Jokes!

Aural sex is getting your kicks by listening to someone else talk dirty.

Tony met a young woman in a bar.
She accepted his invitation to go back to his apartment with him.
After a few drinks and some soft music, he suggested they retire to
the bedroom, and the girl agreed.
Soon they were going at it hot & heavy, when all of a sudden, Tony
stopped dead, looked at her and said,
"Hey, you don't have herpes, do you?"
"No," she replied. "What would make you ask such a thing?"
"That's a relief," said Tony. "The last girl didn't tell me till it
was too late!"

You know a man is desperate when he practices yoga just so he can give
himself head.

A woman was at a friends wedding and the friend's father asked her to
dance with him. He was pretty drunk, but she figured what the hell.
So, they were dancing and she asked,
"So, are you enjoying yourself, Richard?" He said,
"I prefer Dick."
She said,
"Well so do I, but what does that have to do with anything?"

A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms.
She said,
"Depends on what's in it for me."

A guy and a girl meet at a bar and are instantly attracted to each other.
They party all night, and decide to go back to his place to continue.
Once there, they get passionate and start to make out.
When the time is right, the girl finds the bedroom, gets undressed and
gets under the covers of the bed, waiting for the guy who is now
coming out of the bathroom.
The guy walks in starts to undress and stops with just his shorts on
he reaches into his pants pocket an pulls out a magic marker, and
hands it to her.
She takes one look at it an asks,
"What's this for? Are you some kinda pervert?"
He looks at her, drops his shorts, and smiles kinda sexy.
She smiles, her eyes now wide open and staring in disbelief at his
penis which hangs more that halfway to his knees.
She then hears him say,
"Your gonna have to draw a line somewhere, baby."

When you cross a frigid woman with an apple you get a computer that
won't go down on you.

I met a beautiful young woman at a nightclub.
We were getting on very well when she said she had something to show me.
She removed her wig and she was totally bald.
"It's alopecia," she said "but if you still like me you can ask me anything."
I have always wanted to know.
So, I asked her straight.
"Does your condition make you bald in other places?" I asked.
She whispered in my ear
"There's only one way to find out."
What an idiot I am.
Forgetting about Google at a time like this.

The Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Company is producing a new model.
It's called the "J. Edgar."
It sucks really good but you can't get it out of the closet.

Jim Morrison is in one corner of a hotel with Ray Manzarek, John
Densmore, and Robby Krieger.
In another corner are Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Ronnie Wood and
Charlie Watts and all are naked!
A beautiful woman walks in, drops to her knees in front of Jim
Morrison and begins to play the pink oboe.
She swallows nicely then starts on his associates.
When she is finished, she licks her lips and wanders over to Mick
Jagger and begins to do the same to him.
At that moment, there's a huge crash and a SWAT team smashes through a wall.
A policeman jumps out, grabs her by the scruff of the neck and shouts,
"You bloody fool, you're only supposed to blow the Doors off!"