XX - Adult Jokes!

Our neighbourhood diner promotes safe sex.
They write the bill on a condom.
In that way you can wine and dine your date, and then stick her with the bill.
.
The preacher got up in church one Sunday morning and told the
congregation, "Brothers and sisters, we are going to have to do
something about teenagers parking behind the church at night.
I was out there this morning and there are enough beer cans out there
to build a car." One of the old sisters stood up and said,
"Amen brother, and enough rubbers to put tires on it."

What does the bride of a Polish man get that's long and hard on her
wedding night?
His last name.

Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants.
Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says,
"Hey, Jasper, there's the Officer's Club. Let's you and me stop in."
"But we're privates," protests Jasper.
"We're sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside.
"Now, Jasper, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drink."
"But we's privates," says Jasper.
"You blind?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We're sergeants now."
So, they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy.
"Your cute," she says, "and I'd like to screw you, but I've got a bad
case of gonorrhoea." Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers,
"Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what 'gonorrhoea means. If
it's okay, give me the okay sign."
So, Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible
case of gonorrhoea. "Jasper," he says, "why'd you give me the okay?"
"Well, Leroy, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhoea affects only the privates."
He points to his stripes,
"But we're sergeants now."

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome
things that money can buy.

A small white guy went into an elevator, when he got in he noticed a
huge black dude standing next to him.
The big black guy looked down upon the small white guy and said,
"7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound
right ball, Turner Brown."
The small guy fainted!!
The huge black dude picked up the little white guy and brought him to,
slapping his face and shaking him.
He asked the small white guy,
"What's wrong?"
Our petite friend said,
"Excuse me, but what did you say?"
The black giant looked down and repeated,
"7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound
right ball, my name is Turner Brown"
The white guy sighed,
"Oh, thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around!!'"

Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his
stomach, flunked geography.