XX - Morning Jokes

"Under The Sea"
*
A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids
were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers
got together to compare the results and put together some of the
comments.
Here are some of them -- the funny ones. The kids were all aged
between 5 and 8 years...
*
If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea
all round you, you are in continent. (Wayne age 7)
*
I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie age 6)
*
A dolphin breaths through an a hole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)
*
When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle
to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating
beans. (William age 7)
*
I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How
do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)
*
Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give
you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)
*
On holiday my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going
very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her
fanny. (Julie age 7 )
~~~~~~~~~~
5th Graders
About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their
way home from a school trip. Once we were in the air, and the crew
began serving drinks, I could hear them pleading with the children to
settle down and let the other passengers get some sleep.
No amount of reasoning seemed to help, until I thought of the solution
that actually worked. I picked up the PA mike in the cockpit and
announced, "Children, this is the captain speaking. Don't make me stop
this airplane and come back there!"
~~~~~~~~~~
Jury Selection
The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly
contesting and dismissing potential jurors. John was called for his
question session.
"Property holder?"
"Yes, I am, Your Honour."
"Married or single?"
"Married for years, Your Honour."
"Formed or expressed an opinion?"
"Not in many years, Your Honour."
~~~~~~~~~~
Amish Carriage
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.
The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humour, because
attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
"Energy Efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do Not
step in Exhaust."