XX - Adult Puns!

Every Amish woman's private fantasy is two Mennonite.

Confucius say:
"Nail on board is not good as screw on bench."

He said,
"Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in
the worst way."
She said,
"Well, you succeeded."

After a tourist had been served in the Las Vegas cocktail lounge, he
beckoned the waitress back and said,
"Miss, would y'all give me a piece of ass?"
"Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had! " gasped the girl.
Then, she smiled and added,
"Sure, why not? It's pretty slow here right now, so let's go!"
When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the
same table and the waitress asked,
"Will there be anything else?"
"Yes," replied the tourist. "Where ah come from in Alabama, we lack
our bourbon 'n watuh cold, so ah still need a piece uh ass for mah
drink."

A fly sees a cute little female fly land on a pile of crap.
He buzzes down and says,
"Excuse me, miss, is this stool taken?"

Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home.
He walked into the house and found his wife Fanny in the arms of another man.
He started to yell at the interloper,
"What right have you got to be screwing my wife?"
The man answered calmly,
"You may as well know that I am in love with Fanny and I would like to
marry her. I understand you're a gambler. Why don't you be a good
sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose,
I'll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce her.
Okay?"
"Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little more
interesting, why don't we play for a dollar a point?"

Cannibal -
One who is apt to pass his best friend.
Mary and Sue were always trying to get the other's goat and today they
were meeting for lunch.
Mary noticed that Sue was walking bowlegged and asked what the problem was.
Sue replied,
"Oh nothing. It's just that my husband is so big, I just can't take it."
Mary replied,
"I know. I know."