Hilarious Church Notices

As soon as the weather clears up, members of the adult men's class
will have a goof outing at the Rapides Country Club.

November 11 -- An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club.

Thursday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club.
All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his
private study.

Congratulations to Tim and Rhonda on the birth of their daughter
October 12 thru 17.

Please place your donation in the envelope, along with the deceased
person(s) you want remembered.

Wednesday afternoon, when Ruby Chesterfield stopped by to deliver
supplies for the church kitchen, she encountered a young man in the
process of robbing the food cabinets.
After an extended chase all over the church, she finally caught him by
the organ.
Ruby, the coach of our High school track team, told police officers,
"I was determined that Andy Simmons was not going to have the personal
satisfaction of out running me."
Although law enforcement officers and the pastor have chosen not to
reveal the identity of the offender, it is known that he and his
family are members of our church.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM.
Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Lent is a period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.

The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb etertainment,
and gracious hostility.

The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working.
Maybe that explains why things get so hot on warm, sunny days.

We are always happy to have you sue our facility.

Vacation Bible School Starts Next Week!
Local artists will be featured Wednesday.
Mothers: If you have promising drawers in your house, be sure to bring them.

The agenda was adopted and minutes were approved.
The financial Secretary gave a grief report.

Thursday night -- Potluck Supper.
Prayer and medication to follow.

Following the work session, food and soft drinks will be provided for all.
Barbecue (grilled) chicken and hamburgers will be features.
A limited number of hot gods will also be available for the kids.

Closing Hymn, Page 132: "I Love Thee My Ford."

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mazie Lewis to come forward and
lay an egg on the altar.

The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich
Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social.
All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again" giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Next Friday, our normal Church workday, we will be serving hot gods for lunch.

We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds
around the church building and the rector.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

The Young Adult class would like to grant special recognition to Hank Elliot.
Hank donated the use of a retired race horse to our church.
Some members have reservations about accepting an animal once used for
purposes of gambling.
We would like to remind everyone of the old adage:
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Please come early and listen to our choir practice.

Don't let worry kill you off.
Let our pastor, and the Church, help.

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

Next Saturday is the family hayride and bonfire.
Bring your own hot dogs and guns.
Friends are welcome!
We leave from the church parking lot.
Everyone come for a fun time.

Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.

Two sisters were reunited after eighteen years at a checkout counter
in Alexandria.
One is a member of our Church.

Helen Turner has a seriously sprained ankle.
Let us hold up her leg in prayer.

The $50 cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes all meals.

Helpers are desperately needed!
Please sign up on the information sheep.

The wellness report is again short this week.
Margie Smith says she is feeling great after exploratory surgery and
Pastor Butts is much better.

Jamie Janssen, blind since birth, received the donation of a kidney
from a cousin who she hasn't seen in years.

Please be aware the bowl at the back of the Church, the one labeled
'For The Sick,' is for monetary donations only.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water."
One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the
congregation will join in.

Ushers will eet latecomers.

You are reminded that Fifth Sinday is Lent.

Brother Lamar, our oldest deacon, has gone on to be the Lord.
The activity will take place on the church barking lot.

The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral.
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.