MORNING JOKES

  Got Bugs?
My husband works as a service technician for a large exterminating company.
One of the rules of the company is that he has to confirm each
appointment by phone the night before his service call to that
household.
One evening, he made such a call, and when a man answered the phone,
he said, "Hi, this is Gary from A to Z Pest Control Company. Your wife
phoned us."
There was a long silence, and then my husband heard the man on the
other end say, "Honey, it's for you....someone wants to talk to you
about your relatives."
~~~~~~~~~~
Ransom
A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to bring $50,000 to
the 17th hole of the country club at 10 o'clock the next day if he
ever wanted to see his wife alive again.
He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped out from
behind some bushes and growled, "What the hell took ya so long ?
You're over two hours late."
"Hey ! Give me a break." whined the Yuppie. "I have a 27 handicap."
~~~~~~~~~~
Understanding Men
*
1. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually
have jobs and bathe.

2. All men hate to hear, "We need to talk about our relationship."
These seven words strike fear in the heart of even retired General
Schwartzkopf.

3. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

4. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

5. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually
on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

6. Men forget everything; women remember everything. Think about it!
How many women's sports use something called an "instant replay?"

7. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with
super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up
identifying with Barbie.

8. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record
saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

9. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a
man walk into a party and say, "Oh no, I'm so embarrassed; I've got to
get out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

10. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes
out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like
portable heaters that snore.
~~~~~~~~~~
Things your Mother would NEVER say:
*
-- Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.

-- Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and
walk him every day.

-- That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.

-- Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.

-- The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm
running a prison around here.

-- Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad.

-- Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?

-- Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if
you're in trouble.