Morning Jokes!

Wheelbarrow Bet
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he
could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of
making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the
older worker had had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will
bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to
that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.
Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
~~~~~~~~~~
A Visit from Grandmother
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly
departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her
voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she
begins moaning.
Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds,
"Grandmother? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really, really you, grandmother?" the woman repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."
The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?"
"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
~~~~~~~~~~
Without Bias
Judge to the court, at the start of a case: "I have to declare an
interest in this case. Last week, the plaintiff sent me a check for
$10,000 to find in his favour.
Two days later, I received $20,000 from the defendant to find in his favour.
I have therefore sent $10,000 back to the defendant and can try the
case without bias."
~~~~~~~~~~
The Boring Speaker
The after-dinner speaker just didn't have a stop button. He burbled on
and on and on, oblivious to his increasingly restless audience.
Finally, one of the more drunken diners hurled an empty wine bottle at
him. It missed, and hit the Chairman instead.
As the Chairman slid slowly to the floor clutching his head, he was
heard to murmur, "Hit me again, I can still hear him."