Adopt A Terrorist

A lady Canadian libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the government,
complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists)
being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
She received back the following reply:

National  Defence Headquarters

MGen George R. Pearkes Bldg,  15 NT

101 Colonel By Drive

Ottawa,ON K1A  0K2

Canada

Dear    Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of
treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian
Forces  - who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan
Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in
Afghanistan National correctional System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions
were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa.

You will be pleased to learn, thanks to  the concerns of citizens like
yourself; we are  creating a new Department here at the Department of
National Defence, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for
Killers' program, or L.A.R.K. for  short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided
to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal  care.

Your personal detainee has been  selected and is scheduled for
transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto
next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud  (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be
cared for  pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your
letter of complaint.

It will likely be  necessary for you to hire some assistant
caretakers.  We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your
standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so
strongly recommend in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem " will
help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural
differences.

We understand that you plan to offer counselling and home schooling.

Your  adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat
and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or
nail clippers.

We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your
next yoga  group.

He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from
common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked
up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except
sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property.

This is  a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has  been
known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with
the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.

I'm  sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka
over time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his
culture and religious beliefs' as  described in your letter.

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like
you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our
fellow man.

You take good care of Ahmed - and remember we'll be  watching.

Good luck and God bless  you.

Cordially,

Gordon  O'Connor

Minister of National  Defense