XX - Adult Puns!

God give women nipples to make suckers out of men.

Scientists have developed a new pill that will now help impotent men
who are also hay fever sufferers.
By combining Allegra to take care of the allergies, and Viagra for the
impotency, it gives you an erection not to be sneezed at.

A really, really fat man got out of the shower at the health club.
A second man said,
'Gee, you're fat.'
The fat man said,
'Yeah.'
The second man asked,
'How long has it been since you've seen your dick?'
The fat man answered,
'Long time.'
The second man asked,
'Why don't you diet?'
The fat man asks,
'Why? What colour is it now?'

Incest is relatively boring.
Necrophillia is dead boring.

Two good ol' boys up in the Virginia hills were sitting on the front
porch talking one afternoon over a cold beer, after getting off of
work at the local coal mine.
After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd,
"If I was to sneak over to your house Saturday & make love to your
wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby,
would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his
head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says,
"Well, I don't know 'bout kin, but it'd make us even."

What does a sorority girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
Her ankles.

Woman:
"I just had a baby and the Doctor told me to  do those Kegel exercises
- you know to tighten up things down there." [giggle]
Nurse:
"Yes, I understand. Are yo u in pain?"
Woman:
"No, no, no. It's not that. It's just that every time I do those
exercises, I have an orgasm." Nurse:
"I'm sorry, did you say 'orgasm'?"
Woman:
"Yes. Am I doing them right?"
Nurse:
"Sounds like it to me!"

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

A woman went to her doctor for advice.
She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex,
and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.
'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.
'Actually, yes, I do.'
''Does it hurt you?' he asked.
'No.. I rather like it.'
''Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you
shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you
take care not to get pregnant.
The woman was mystified.
'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?'
'Of course, ' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think congressmen come from?'

How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

Two gay guys were caught in the act in a public park by a policeman.
As the cop tried to arrest them for their act of public indecency,
they bolted away.
The cop pursued after them and managed to catch one of them.
He told him,
"When I catch your boyfriend I'm going to shove this nightstick right
up his ass."
Just then a voice calls out from behind a tree.
"Yoo-hoo, Officer. I'm over here."

The vote on a bill to legalize bisexuality could go either way?