GIGGLES

I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt.
She asked, "Do I click the square?" I said, "Yes." She asked me,
"Single click or double click?"

Teacher: "Max, use 'defeat,' 'defense,' and 'detail' in a sentence."
Max: "When the rabbit cut across the field, defeat went over defense
before detail."

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor, "Mr. Nichols,
what is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student. "And the
opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?" "Elation." "And you sir, how about
the opposite of woe?" "I believe that would be giddy up"

Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said,
"Those are the mangiest, scroungiest, most moth eaten miserable beasts
I have ever seen." One of the buffalo turned to the other and said,
"You know, I think I just heard a discouraging word.

Out for a stroll, a couple of drunks are staring at the sky.
"What a beautiful night," one of the guys says. "Look at that moon!"
"That's not the moon, you moron," his inebriated pal replies. "That's the sun!"
They're still arguiing when another drunk staggers over.
"Help us out, buddy," the first man says. "Look up--is that the moon
or the sun?"
"I don't know," the man slurs.... "I don't live around here."

"I promise; that bird is so well-behaved, you can take it anywhere,"
the pet store owner assured the woman buyer.
Delighted with her purchase, she took her parrot to church the next day.
Things were great until, halfway through the sermon, the bird blurted
out, "It's DA*n cold in here!"
Embarrassed, the woman ran out of the service and took the bird back to
The pet store the next day.
"This 'good bird' you sold me swore in church yesterday." she told the
shop owner.
"I'm sorry, It sometimes does that in new environments," he explained
to her. "Next time, grab its feet and swing it over your head a few
times. That should stop it."
The following week the woman and her parrot were in church again, when
The parrot yelled, "It's DA*n cold in here!"
Quickly, the woman got up, grabbed the bird and swung it above her
head six times. Then she put the bird back on her shoulder and sat
down.
"Da*n," the bird says... "It's windy too!"