XX - Adult Puns!

A transvestite from Lyford-By-Tyme
Was in court for a horrific crime,
Said, "Your honour, oh no!
It cannot be so
For I was a broad at the time.

Every time I sit down to try to take a dump,
I start reading the newspaper and end up forgetting to do my business.
I think might I have Attention Defecate Disorder.

Sex Education:
Sermon on the mount

Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way
to the bottom, while getting a rise.

A kiss on the lips is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.

A sweet young thing visiting Brooklyn's Zoo in Prospect Park one
Sunday asked the keeper where the monkeys were.
Keeper:
"They're in the back, making love."
Sweet young thing:
"Would they come out for some peanuts?"
Keeper:
"Would you?

The worst thing a wife can get on her twenty fifth wedding anniversary
is morning sickness.
Bill and Harry w ere having a beer at the neighbourhood bar.
"What's the matter?" asked Bill of his buddy.
"You look kind of down."
"My wife just told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin."
"Why's that?"
"Because it's brief, unexpected and usually a disaster."
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.