XX - AUSTRALIAN LETTER OF THE YEAR
This is an actual letter sent to the then DFAT (Department of Foreign
Affairs and Trade) Minster, The Hon Alexander Downer and the then
Immigration, The Hon Minister Amanda Vanstone. The Government tried in
desperation to censure the author,but got nowhere because every legal
person who read it nearly wet themselves laughing! Please excuse the
language contained within, but I suspect the author was somewhat
upset? I'll let you decide!
Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows
that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in
1997,and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was
born and on what date.
My birth date you have in my medicare information, and it is on all
the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my
driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all
those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before
being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those
insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years
since1966.
Also..would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my
mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be
absolutely fucking astounded, if that ever changed between now and
when I drop dead!!!...
SHIT! I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this
morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bullshit! You
send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fucking
address!! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a
gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes workin' there!
And another thing, look at my damn picture.. Do I look like Bin Laden?
I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New
Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a
Kiwi girl).. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a
shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever
got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe
you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the
city, and get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, and to
part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN
INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot,
to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?? Nooooo..
that'd be too fucking easy and makes far too much sense. You would
much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with
our fucking heads cut off, and then having to find some high society
wanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo!
You know the photo..the one where we're not allowed to smile?!
...you fucking morons
Signed -
An Irate Australian Citizen.
P.S Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone
in high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in
this country since before 1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took
up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!)
I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30
years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security
clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL..
and Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important' to
verify who I am; You know... someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN
AND RAISED IN FUCKING PAKISTAN !!!. ......a country where they
either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended
from the Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.'
You are all Fucking idiots
