Headlines from the year 2029:

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerlyknown as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United Statescrops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take atleast 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over byJamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now beimported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned allsmoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-years, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the keyto weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a came ra with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with hermouth shut. (Hummmmmmmmm)

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers,screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.