XX - Adult Puns!

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at
the other end.
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her
and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a
while?"
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs,
"No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
By now, the entire bar is staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he
slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles at him and says,
"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in
psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing
situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs,
"What do you mean $200!"

The Chinese tuna fisherman was always on the lookout for yellow tail.

At school, Johnny's class is learning about medicines.
The teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what
they are used for.
When it was Johnny's turn he said,
"Viagra."
"And what is it used for, Johnny?"
"It is used for diarrhea."
"And who told you this, Johnny"
"Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father,
"Take a viagra, and maybe that shit will get harder.''

I was in bed with my new girlfriend last night, and she said I'd got
the biggest willy she'd ever laid her hands on.
I said
"You're pulling my leg"

The egg said to the boiling water,
"How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

My son asked me the other day,
"Daddy, why were you and Mommy wrestling in bed last night?"
I said,
"Because Mommy likes to wrestle with Daddy. She thinks she's good at
it, but she always ends up getting pinned."
" I want to wrestle with Mommy too!" he announced.
"I'm sorry, son," I said. "You're not old enough and we're not in Arkansas."

A guy who is afraid to use a condom is a rubber chicken.

While making up her teen-age daughter's bed, she was shocked to
discover a large carrot under the pillow.
When Mary Jo came home, mother demanded an explanation of the carrot.
"Mother, I want to be honest with you," she confessed, "for the past
few weeks that carrot has been my husband."
"well," the mother replied, "consider yourself a widow, because your
husband just went into tonight's stew!"

A blond guy was overheard to say at the hospital,
"My wife just delivered twins."
"So! You should be happy! Why are you so angry?"
"I want to know which Son of a Bitch is the father of the second child!"