XX - Adult Puns!

A mother takes her 5-year-old son to the sporting goods store and says
to the man working there,
"I want to buy a baseball mitt for my son. How much does it cost?"
The clerk says,
"$50."
"That's way to much. How much for that bat?"
"$5," says the clerk.
"I'll take it," the mother replies.
As he's wrapping it up he says,
"How about a ball for the bat?"
"No thanks," says the mother, "But I'll go down on you for the mitt."

One of the Ten Commandments is:
"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor thy neighbour's ass."
I wonder if that means I'm safe, then, since I just covet my
neighbour's wife's ass?

Guy goes into an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says,
'Male or female?'
Customer says, 'Female.'
Counter guy asks,
'Black or white?
Customer says,
'White.' Counter guy asks,
'Christian or Muslim?'
Customer says,
'What the hell does religion have to do with it?'
Counter guy says,
'The Muslim one blows itself up!!'

The difference between a panty and a stage curtain is:
When you pull down the stage curtain the show is over,
But when you pull down a panty the show begins.

There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel.
He had been traveling so long that he felt the need to have sex.
Obviously, there were no women in the desert.
So, the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away.
The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again.
Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned
to his camel. The camel refused by running away.
So, he caught up to it again and go on it again.
Finally, after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road.
There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes
sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said,
"If you fix our car we will do anything you want."
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked,
"How could we ever repay you Mr."
After thinking for a short while he replied,
"Could you hold my camel?"

Confucius says man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.

One day there were two boys playing by a stream.
One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy
couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long.
The other boy went over to the bush and looked.
The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam.
All of a sudden the second boy took off running.
The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after
his friend.
Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away.
The boy said to his friend,
"My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and
I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

Whoever said you can't get blood from a stone had better get over here
and take a look at my urine.

The young gynaecologist was giving his attractive nurse a thorough
annual check-up as a professional courtesy.
The nurse had the distinct impression that the doctor was prolonging
each step, but she said nothing at all.
Toward the end of the exam, he smiled and said,
"You're lucky, you know, a session like this would have cost you at
least a hundred and eighty-five dollars."
"You're luckier yet, doctor." laughed the girl. "a session like this
would have cost you at least three hundred."