Puns of the Day...

Book Title:
"Modern Accounting" by Cook, Books, and Hyde.

Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.
One says,
"It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26!
 What kind of a wedding is that?"
The other says,
"Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks,
"What's a football wedding?"
The other says,
"She's waiting for him to kick off!"

Loquacious:
She ran into that tree because she often doesn't LOQUACIOUS going.

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences.
The first man said,
"My wife was reading 'A Tale Of Two Cities'. And she gave birth to twins."
"That's funny." the second man remarked, "My wife was reading 'The
Three Musketeers', and she gave birth to triplets"
The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed,
"When I left the house, my wife was reading, 'Ali Baba And The Forty Thieves'!"

Headline:
Party Pooper Turns Out To Be Port-O-Let Salesman

One Sunday, the communion steward at the Lutheran church prepared
communion with a twist.
When it came time to uncover the elements, the pastor noticed the
grape juice looked darker than usual, but he thought nothing of it and
began to serve the communion. Promptly upon receiving the cup, each
recipient's face had a peculiar, stunned look;
When it came time for the pastor to receive, he discovered why the
strange looks:
The juice was prune juice!
After mass, one parishoner opined,
"Perhaps this is a Divine commentary on our spirituality, we need a
little loosening up!"

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is
That they have a common enemy.

And Adam was very happy with Eve, his new companion.
One day while having another discussion with God, Adam asked God,
"Why did you create Eve with such beautiful, gorgeous hair?"
And God answered,
"Well, that is so you would like her better."
And Adam, still questioning, asked
"But why did you create that cute little nose on her like that?"
And God answered with a chuckle,
"I did that so you would like her better!"
"Oh!", exclaimed a now more understanding Adam.
"So that's why you created her with such a (and Adam did a gesture
with both of his hands indicating the voluptuous body of a woman) I
see now, so I would like her better!" And they both laughed together.
"But why," Adam just had to get the last word in, "Why did you create
her to be so stupid?"
And God answered without a single hesitation,
"That, my friend, is so she would like you better!"

A Freudian slip is,
When you say one thing but mean your mother.

There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every
moment of it.
He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did.
Various attempts were made to do something about the child.
One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much
noise, perforate his eardrums.
This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a
scientist nor a scholar. A second person told him that drum beating
was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special
occasions.
The third person offered the neighbours plugs for their ears;
A fourth gave the boy a book;
A fifth gave the neighbours books that described a method of
controlling anger through biofeedback;
A sixth person gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and docile.
None of these attempts worked.
Eventually, a wise person came along with an effective motivation.
He looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked,
"I wonder what is INSIDE the drum?"

Our lives are ova before they've begun.

A man wanted to become a priest,
So, he went to a theological college to en roll.
But when he arrived, he was met at the gates, and given his degree
without even having to step into the college.
When he asked why,
They said that it had been pre-ordained.