I wish I was a fetus..

I wish I was a fetus
I never would be bored,
Sitting in my uterus
Swingin' on my cord.

To worry the obstetricians
I'd be a proper beast,
I'd change position on the hour
-Transverse, oblique, then breech!

To student midwives, I'd present
A mystifying case
I'd hide myself in the os
& leave an empty space.

I'd tie my cord into a knot
& wave it through the cervix
I'd give the mid-wives such a shock
-& laugh off all my cervix!

And when my membranes rupture
I'd be a right ol' pest
Presenting large diameters
I'd transversely arrest.

I'd tell my pal placenta
To get himself detached.
To theatre then the lot of us,
would pronto be dispatched!

And when they start to Caesar
I'd laugh & think "Tee-Hee Hee"
When no one else is looking,
I'd come vaginally!!