Puns of the Day!

Many years ago, there was a small town that had several bakeries.
One of these was run by the aunts of a man named Penn.
He and his aunts baked the best pies in the state.
Not only that, but they were also the least expensive.
Now the other bakers could make equally delicious pies, but Penn
always sold more, for no one could beat the 'pie rates of Penn's
aunts'.

Even though Sigmund Freud was terribly addicted to cocaine, he
actually died when one day after taking a bath and getting out of the
tub, he slipped and fractured his skull killing him instantly.
Might this be another Freudian slip?

The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, and ploughed
into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces.
Some time after the driver had reported the damage, he watched as a
repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.
They picked up each broken piece of the wreckage and spread a creamy
substance on it. Then, they began fitting the pieces together.
In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed
and looking good as new.
Astonishing! Said the truck driver to the crew chief.
"What was the white stuff you used to stick all the pieces together?"
Oh, that was tollgate booth paste.

Puns are for children,
Not groan readers.

Scientists found a way to clone a bit of Shakespeare's DNA and
recreate The Great Bard. Naturally, ABC, NBC, CBS, and CNN were vying
with each other to get him on their networks.
When they approached Mr. S with their offers, how did he respond?
TV or not TV, that is the question.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.

These two blokes are lost in the Sahara desert.
They're desperate for water, but just as they think they're about to
die, they chance upon a village where market day is in full swing.
They go to the first stall they see and ask if they can buy some water.
No, replies the Bedouin stall owner,
"I only sell fruit. Try the next stall."
So, off they go to the next stall and again they ask for water.
"Sorry," says the merchant, "But I only sell custard."
"Custard?" one of the blokes says to the other, "What kind of place is this?"
By now desperate, they go to the next stall, only to be told,
"Sorry, but I only sell jelly."
Hearing this, one of the blokes turns to the other and says,
"This is a trifle bazaar."

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have
was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse
with those people.

Steve was laid up at home with the flu.
His fiancee called and volunteered to stop by, fix dinner, and play nursemaid.
He declined, not wanting to pass the flu on to her.
"Okay, honey," she told him. "We'll wait until after we get married.
Then we'll spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his
hometown for the holidays.
After looking over the menu he says,
"I'll just have the eggs Benedict."
His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap.
He asks the waiter,
"What's with the hubcap?"
The waiter says,
"Well, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is
called a grandparent.
A woman bought a magnolia tree from a local nursery, but after only a
few weeks, its leaves shriveled and it appeared to be on its last
legs.
She took some leaf samples back to the nursery and demanded an explanation.
"Oh, I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia tree, ma'am," said
the manager. "Good," she replied. "What is it?
He said,
"Autumn."

It is rumoured that Bobby Fischer got bored of playing chess with Russians.
He asked the association to fix his next match with some other Europeans.
It seems his telegram read,
"How about a Czech mate?"

The line at the Department of Motor Vehicles inched along for almost
an hour until a man finally got his license.
He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk,
"I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in
this picture."
The clerk looked at his picture and reassured him,
"It's okay. That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you
over, anyway."