Puns of the Day...

Dracula got into his casket one July.
As he reclined he remarked,
"There is nothing like a cool bier on a hot day."

Sure, many wonders I have seen, but none more wondrous than the
strange dance performed by the Pachacuti Inca Indians.
This sacred dance is only performed once a year at a certain time, and
it's called the "Putcha Dance." We travelled many days and nights
braving harsh conditions, insects and snakes, until we finally arrived
at the village.
We brought with us filming and sound eguipment so the dance could be documented.
When the time came close we set up our equipment, the tribe formed a
large circle and the chief raising his hands in the air announced,
"The time has come," and continued with, "Putcha right foot in, putcha
right foot out. Putcha right foot in and you shake it all about."

Book:
"Always Bring An Umbrella" by Justin Case

Rabbi Mendel was one day walking along a very narrow street, when he
came face to face with a rival Rabbi.
The street was too narrow for the two to pass.
The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily,
"I never make way for fools"
Smiling, Rabbi Mendel stepped aside and said,
"I always do."

Ad: Our bikinis are exciting.
They are simply the tops.

A fellow went to a Halloween costume party dressed in only a grass skirt.
The theme of the party was "My Favourite Song" and attendees were
supposed to dress as that song title. When the judging was set to
begin, the fellow realized that the woman in line next to him was
nude, and quite attractive.
The judges asked the naked lady what song her "costume" represented.
She smiled coyly, and said.
"Just As I Am". The judges then asked the fellow in the grass skirt
which song his costume depicted, and he replied,
"It was going to be "Little Grass Shack in Hawaii, but since that
naked broad showed up, I changed it to "Coming Through The Rye!"

When the women in Saudi Arabia commit adultery they get stoned.
Unlike the women in Los Angeles, who usually get stoned before they
commit adultery.

The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake and the waves that
were beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves
of passion nearby.
One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to whisper,
"Darling, am I the first man to make love to you?"
Her tone, upon answering, was slightly more than irritable.
"Of course you are!" she said, "and the best, too--I don't know why
you men always ask the same old ridiculous questions."

The cross-eyed seamstress never had a period because she couldn't mend straight.

Two five-year-olds were on a picnic with their respective families.
They both wandered into the nearby woods to answer a call of nature.
The little girl squatted and did the necessary.
On her way back to the picnic grounds, she ran across the little boy
who was relieving himself against a tree.
"Wow" she said with rounded eyes, "what a handy gadget to take on a picnic!"

"I have never accidentally created a spoonerism, but if I did, it'd be
a wood gun," Tom transposed.