Puns of the Day...

There's a man that I know who's named Rex.
Many buildings he daily dissects.
An explosive device,
He has found, works quite nice
For his firm. It's named Edifice Wrecks.
(Kirk Miller)

The witches favourite singer is Robert Ghoulet

A college freshman comes home after being away all semester.
Her father looks her up and down, then says,
"Aren't you a lot fatter than when you went away?"
"Yes, I am, Dad," the girl admits. "I weigh 140 pounds, stripped for gym."
The father stares at her for a moment in horrified amazement.
Finally, he shouts,
"Well, tell me this: Just who in the devil is Jim?"

If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V or Henry IV Jr. Or wait,
Henry IV part II?

A Chinese scholar was lecturing when all the lights in the auditorium went out.
He asked members of the audience to raise their hands and wave.
As soon as they had all complied, the lights went on again.
He then said,
"Prove wisdom of old Chinese saying:
'Many hands make light work."

A jellyfish walked into a hardware shop, and bought ten drills.

A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker when the police
raided the game. Turning to the priest, the lead police officer said,
"Father Murphy, were you gambling?"
Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispered,
"Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do."
To the police officer, he then said,
"No, officer; I was not gambling."
The officer then asked the minister,
"Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?"
Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replied,
"No, officer; I was not gambling."
Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asked,
"Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?"
Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replied,
"With whom?"

Birthday candles are for people who want to make light of their age.

A mother firefly was taking her children for a walk near dusk, and
they came to a dark woods.
"All right, kids," she ordered, "Line up, and whatever happens, don't
shine your light. There are owls in the forest and they might fly down
and eat you!"
The small fireflies did as they were told, with the youngest firefly
at the end of the line.
As they were moving carefully along, suddenly the mother saw a light far back.
"Stop!" she whispered. "Who lit the light back there?"
"I did," admitted the youngster.
"You heard what I told you," scolded the mother. "Why did you disobey?"
"Well," said the little one, "When you gotta glow, you gotta glow."

Did you hear about the new line of Elvis Presley-themed steakhouses?
They will be for people who love meat tender.

A woman went to France on a wine-tasting vacation.
Unfortunately, while in the capital city, she drank too much, fell
from her hotel window and ended up in a body cast.
When she got home, she swore never to get plastered in Paris again.

A Hurricane is an aid to assist an elderly person in keeping up with
his grandchildren on their daily walk.

A moccasin maker worked for a tribe of native Americans.
They were unusual in that once they were mature and grown, all of
their feet and therefore all of their moccasins were the same size.
The shomaker was able to invent a device, a kind of model, to help him
make the needed foot coverings for the entire tribe.
His device was called the last of the Mohicans.

Kama sutra:
The surgeon has finished the operation.
Now we're only waiting for the intern to KAMA SUTRA the incision.

As a salesperson, I do a lot of business over the phone.
One man who called to place an order had a nice voice.
When he asked if I wanted his number, I took the opportunity to offer
mine as well.
"Um," he stammered, "I was talking about my purchase-order number."