Adult Puns!

Billy-Joe and Betty-Sue get married, and Billy-Joe whisks her away to
his daddy's hunting cabin in the woods, for a romantic 'nature
honeymoon'.
He carries her across the threshold, and they get into bed, when
Betty-Sue whispers in his ear,
"Billy-Joe, be gentle, I ain't never been with a man b'fore."
"What?" shouts Billy-Joe, and his little bride softly shakes her head.
Billy-Joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes, and races out the door,
into his truck, down the mountain, straight to his parents house,
rushes inside screaming,
"Hey, Daddy!, Paw! Git'up!"
His father rushes downstairs and gasps,
"Billy-Joe, what'r you doin here?"
Billy-Joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps,
"Well, Betty-Sue an' I was in the cabin, and she tol' me she ain't
never been with a man' afore, so's I rushed outta there, an' lit back
here quick as I could! "
His father grasps Billy-Joe's shoulder in reassurance, and says
"Son, Ya do NE the right thing. Iffin she ain't good'nuff fer her
family, she shure as shit ain't good'nuff fer ours!"

Pimp:
Public relations man for a pubic relations girl.

Creeping around to the bedroom window, the private detectives saw
their client's wife in bed with another man.
"Just as I suspected," said the first. "Let's go in after him."
"Great idea," the other replied. "How soon do you think he'll be finished?"

"How many beers does it take to make you dizzy?" he asked.
"Four or five," she retorted. "And don't call me 'Dizzy'!"

An elderly blonde plunked two buckets of quarters down in front a
teller at the bank.
The teller, unsure how to handle so much loose change, called the manager.
The manager started to berate the woman for hoarding so many quarters.
She gave him a long hard look and said,
"I didn't hoard all of these. My sister whored half, and I whored the
other half."

Men want to marry virgins because they can't stand criticism.

I think one of the most difficult parts about being a mad scientist
who turns himself into a human fly would be standing at the lab's
vending machine, trying to decide if you should get the Salted Crap
Roll or the Feces Pieces.
Homosexuals like chess because every so often,
They have to sacrifice a queen.

Three women were sitting in an obstetrician's waiting room for their
appointments.
The redhead announces proudly,
"I'm going to have a boy!"
"How do you know?" one of the others asked. "I was on top, so I'm
going to have a boy." The brunette says,
"Well, I'm going to have a girl!"
"How do you know?" the others ask.
"I was on the bottom, so I'll have a girl."
With that, they turn to look at the blonde who promptly bursts into tears.
"What's wrong?" the others ask.
The blonde looks up and cries,
"I'm going to have a puppy!"

Marvin:
"Let's wait 'til June to get married. It won't be long until June."
Girl Friend:
"How much longer will it be then?"

If you believe in creation as espoused in the Bible, then Adam and
Eve's children would actually have had to have sex with one another
for the earth to have become populated. This is surely proof positive
that Alabama was at one time the Garden of Eden.

I can only assume the guy who named Viagra didn't think of Peniscillin first. (
Les Gartell and his band were playing at a large theatre and the
program for the evening was dedicated to all married couples
celebrating their wedding anniversaries.
In honour of newlyweds, he played,
"I Didn't Sleep a Wink Last Nite."
In honor of couples married five years, he played, "Nite and Day."
In honour of couples married 10 years he played,
"Now and Then."
In honour of couples married 15 years, he played,
"Once in a While."
Just as he was ready to honour the couples married 25 years, someone
sitting in the rear said,
"Just a minute, sir. Before you play 'Memories,' please play, 'We Did
It Before and We Can Do. It Again.'"