Puns of the Day...

Two men were out hunting in the woods.
One of them was a fanatical huntsman: he went hunting as often as he could.
The other was his friend: a peaceful nature loving fellow, who didn't
really want to hurt anything.
They had been out in the woods for some time, when they picked up the
tracks of a deer.
They soon caught up with it, and when they saw it, it was obvious why
it had been so easy to catch up to: it had a terrible infection over
it's left eye, which it couldn't even see out of.
The hunter started to take aim with his shotgun, but his friend begged
him to stop.
He said,
"Can't you see that's a bad eye deer?"

When women enter middle age,
It gives men a pause.

A group of sterile monks in white robes were circling a large urn
containing flowers, chanting, raising their hands, bowing to the urn,
and performing some kind of ritual on one young member of the group.
It appeared to be a vase sect to me.

Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice,
It did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store.

Little Johnny had just gotten his ear pierced, and the other students
were bombarding him with questions about the process.
"Does the hole go all the way through?" Billy asked.
"Yes," answered Little Johnny.
"Did it hurt?" asked Susie.
"Just a little," replied Little Johnny.
"Did they stick a needle through your ears?" asked Jacob.
"No, they used a special gun," said Little Johnny.
Silence followed, and then Joe called out,
 "Like, how far away did they stand?"

A glass maker with a gambling addiction suffers from win-dough pain?

A naked and drunken woman boards a taxi in Orlando east one night.
The driver keeps staring at the rear view mirror and does not start the taxi.
Woman: "Haven't you seen a naked woman before?"
Driver: "I'm not staring at you lady. I'm just wondering where you are
keeping the money to pay me!"

I tried looking for gold,
But it didn't pan out.

A man gets off a plane in Boston and heads immediately for the Men's Room.
It's crowded but he finds a vacant urinal to gain relief after the
long flight and many drinks.
The man at the urinal next to his says,
"You're Jewish?" "Yes."
"You come from Talahasee, Florida?"
"Yes."
"Your parents went to Temple Immanuel?"
"Yes, I don't think I know you. How do you know so much about me?"
The man next to him replies,
"Rabbi Minski of Temple Immanuel is the only Rabbi I know that
performs circumcisions by cutting at an angle and you're peeing in my
shoe!

In Mediaeval times the married knights fought with battle-axes.

A chief petty officer caught an AWOL sailor as he tried to sneak aboard ship.
Upon hearing the sailor's lame explanation, the petty officer told him,
"Sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning, or it's the brig for you!"
The sailor picked up a broom, but before he could sweep, a tern landed
on the handle.
The lad picked the tern off and tossed it overboard.
The bird lit again on the broom handle, and was again tossed away.
On and on, through the night, they went through the same routine.
In the morning, when the petty officer inspected, he found the chain
still dirty.
"What have you been doing all night?" he asked angrily.
"Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and
couldn't sweep a link!"

They arrested the former chewing gum manufacturer for unlicensed ex-spearmints.
After stopping his car on a deserted section of country road, the
young man turned to his date and made some rather predictable
advances.
"Just a minute," the girl declared, pushing him away. "I'm really a
prostitute and I have to charge you fifty dollars."
After he reluctantly paid her, they made love.
Later, the man sat silently at the wheel.
"Aren't we leaving?" the girl asked.
"Not quite yet," the fellow said. "I'm really a cabdriver and the fare
back is fifty dollars."