DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

Ø 40-ish.................................49.

Ø Adventurous......................Slept with everyone.

Ø Athletic..............................No breasts.

Ø Average looking................Moooo.

Ø Beautiful............................Pathological liar.

Ø Emotionally Secure...........On medication.

Ø Feminist.............................Fat.

Ø Free Spirit..........................Junkie.

Ø Friendship first....................Former Slut.

Ø New-Age.............................Body hair in the wrong places.

Ø Old-fashioned......................No B.J.'s

Ø Open-minded......................Desperate.

Ø Outgoing.............................Loud and embarrassing.

Ø Professional........................Bitch.

Ø Voluptuous..........................Very fat.

Ø Large frame........................Hugely fat.

Ø Wants soul mate.....................Stalker.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Ø Yes.................................No

Ø No...................................Yes

Ø Maybe............................No

Ø We need..........................I want

Ø I am sorry.......................You'll be sorry

Ø We need to talk...............You're in trouble

Ø Sure, go ahead................You better not

Ø Do what you want............You will pay for this later

Ø I am not upset..................Of course, I am upset, you moron!

Ø You're attentive tonight.....Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

Ø I am hungry.........................I am hungry

Ø I am sleepy..........................I am sleepy

Ø I am tired.............................I am tired

Ø Nice dress............................Nice cleavage !

Ø I love you.............................Let's have sex now

Ø I am bored............................Do you want to have sex?

Ø May I have this dance?..................I'd like to have
sex with you.

Ø Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.

Ø Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.

Ø Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.

Ø I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay.