Jokes

If Men Got Pregnant...........
1. Maternity leave would last two years... With full pay.
2. There would be a cure for stretch marks.
3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
4. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.
5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
6. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
7. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
8. They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.
10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
12. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
13. Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entree's.
14. Women would rule the world.

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"Shame on you"
My 7-year-old daughter came home from school one day, held up her
middle finger, and asked me what it meant.
I was so shocked that I could say only,
"Shame on you," followed by,
"If anyone does that to you, just say, "Shame on you" to that person.
A few weeks later we were at the dinner table when my husband let out
a huge belch.
I reprimanded him by saying,
"Shame on you."
Imagine my husband's shock when my daughter held up her middle finger,
showed it to him, and exclaimed,
"Mom, you forgot to give Daddy the 'shame on you' sign."

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Should It?
Little Johnny was reading from a Hans Christian Anderson book.
"Miss Figpot?" Little Johnny asked, "Does m-i-r-a-g-e spell marriage?"
"No Johnny," sighed the teacher. "But, it should."
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Things that make you go Hmmm....
Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
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"Instructions For Life"
Marry only for love.
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Bonus Joke:
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot
count, criticize or laugh.
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I bet ya' didn't know......
King James I (1566-1625) of England, in the 22 years he occupied the
throne, never washed his right hand.
He merely daubed his fingertips with a damp cloth in the mornings,
fearing that washing would make the skin feel coarse when he shook
hands.
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Andronicus Livius, a Roman actor of the 3rd century B.C., originated
the art of pantomime because at the very height of his career, he lost
the use of his voice.