Some Jokes

Retirement Activities - A Hobby !

Upon reaching 65, John decided to retire. After having him under foot
for a few months, his wife became very agitated and suggested he go
out and does something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a
hobby. John obliged and went out for a couple of hours.

When he got home, his wife asked about his day and he replied, "Oh, I
just went down to the park and hung out with the guys. And oh yeah, I
joined a parachute club."

"What? Are you nuts? You're 65 years old and you're going to start
jumping out of airplanes?"

"Yeah, look I even got a membership card."

"You old coot, you need new glasses! This is a membership in a
Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"

"Oh, great! Now what am I going to do? I signed up for 5 jumps a week!"

C L A S S I F I E D S

These four classified ads appeared in a Middle East newspaper on four
Consecutive days. The last three hopelessly trying to correct the
first day's mistake.

MONDAY:
For sale - SK Shah has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 2555-0707 after 7PM
and ask for Mrs Mani who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY:
Notice: We regret having erred in SK Shah's ad yesterday. It should have
read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 2555-0707 and ask for Mrs
Mani, who lives with him after 7PM."

WEDNESDAY:
Notice: SK Shah has informed us that he has received several annoying
telephone calls because of the error we made in the Classified ad yesterday.
The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - SK Shah has a sewing machine
for sale. Cheap. Phone 2555-0707 after 7PM and ask for Mrs Mani who loves
with him."

THURSDAY:
Notice: I, SK Shah, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't
call 2555-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been
carrying on with Mrs Mani. Until yesterday, she was my housekeeper but she
quit.

A Woman's Secret

There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept
no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box
in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or
ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the
little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover....
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe
box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he
should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted
dolls and a stack of money totalling $25,000. He asked her about the
contents.

"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret
of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry
with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times
in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
happiness......

"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this
money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling all the dolls..."