Some great ones...

Night Watchman.

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of
a desert. Congress said,
Someone may steal from it at night.
So. They created a night watchman position (GS-4) and hired a person
for the job.

Then Congress said,
"How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"
So,they created a planning position and hired two people: one person
to write the instructions (GS-12) and one person to do time studies
(GS-11).

Then Congress said,
"How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"
So,they created a Q.C. Position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do
the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports.

Then Congress said,
"How are these people going to get paid?"
So,they created the following positions, a timekeeper (GS-09) and a
payroll officer (GS-11) and hired two people.

Then Congress said,
"Who will be accountable for all of these people?"
So,they created an administrative position and hired three people: an
Admin. Officer (GM-13), an Assistant Admin. Officer (GS-13) and a
Legal Secretary (GS-08).

Then Congress said,
"We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000
over budget, we must cutback overall cost.
So,they laid off the night watchman.

Interesting Quotes.

If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says: "I'm cheap!"
-Delta Burke

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the
only time of the month that I can be myself. -Roseanne

I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it. I don't
know if I ever had it. But I have seen the boss's job and I do not
want it. -Bill Cosby

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle
maintenance. -Tim Allen

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front
lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we
can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You
see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."
-Elayne Boosler

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will
choose your rest home. -Phyllis Diller

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a
plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across
that floor. I told him he was grounded. -Tim Allen

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. -George Carlin

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his
house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor

No Talking.

After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to
each other for days.
Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.
"Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me."
He looked confused.
"What are you talking about?"
"Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged.
"No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."

Stained Glass.

A minister tells of his first Sunday in a new parish and of presenting
the children's message.
It seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent stained
glass windows, so his message entered on how each of us is called to
help make up the whole picture of life (the life of the community of
the faithful).
Like the pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of glass
to make the whole picture.
And then he said,
"You see each one of you is a little pane."
And then pointing to each child,
"You're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And you're a little
pane. And..."
It took a few moments before he realized why everyone was laughing so hard.

Finally, a Lawyer Joke.

A Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the
other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him
what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm
going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming
over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in
the U.S. And, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take
everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do
things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this
with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you
kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives
up."
The Yankee attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and
decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to
abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to
the city feller.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the Yankee
lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.

His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face.

The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a
kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The Yankee lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to
his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my
turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You
can have the duck."