The Parrot
THE PARROT!!! "Actually, I speak Spanish and English, I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Wow," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird." says the parrot.
"OK! Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" the guy asks.
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"You really can understand and speak English can't you?" says the guy.
The guy looks at the $20000 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make an offer!"
He offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting and is a great pal, he sympathises and is insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered mail today, your wife greeted him in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT?" the guy asks."THEN what happened?"
"The postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes, then he continued taking off the nightie! , got on his knees and began kissing her all over"
The guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"
