Man vs Woman

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife
dressed
in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do
anything you want."So he tied her up and went golfing.

 

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MARRIAGE is a relationship in which one person is alwaysright,
and the other is a husband

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of
course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to
them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of
gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back.
"I'm so tired of Chardonnay."
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Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,
marriage and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got
MARRIED, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where
DID all of my intelligence come from?
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from
your mother, cause I still have mine"
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A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and
said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all"
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great
cook and really good with the kids

 

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.
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove
a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the
exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you
man and wife."