JokesAndHumor

Great Debate.
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican.
Naturally, there was a big uproar from the Jewish community.
So, the Pope made a deal.

He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community.

If the Jew won, they could stay.

If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.
The Jews realized that they had no choice.

So, they picked a middle aged man named Moishe to represent them.

Moishe asked for one addition to the debate.

To make it more interesting, neither side would be not allowed to talk.

The pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came.

Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.

Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.

Moishe pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said:

"I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened.

The Pope said:

"First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity.

He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.

Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us.

He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.

I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins.
He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.

He had an answer for everything.

What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Moishe, "First, he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here.

I told him that not one of us was leaving.

Then, he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews.

I let him know that we were staying right here."
"And then?" asked a woman.
"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."

Marksman.
One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town.
Everywhere he saw evidences of the most amazing shooting.

On trees, on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with the bullet hole in dead centre.
The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person responsible for this wonderful marksmanship.

The man turned out to be the village idiot.
"This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen." said the FBI man. "How in the world do you do it?"
"Nothing to it," said the idiot. "I shoot first and draw the circles afterward."

Joke #1
Q ; Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A : To get to the other slide!

Joke #2
Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve.
10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote.
8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would, therefore, need Eve to go get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says,

"It is not good for man to be alone!"

And finally, the number ONE reason that God created Eve...
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head, and said:

"I can do better than THAT!"

Joke #3.
So, a car full of ladies from the Temple Beth Israel fund raising committee is in a terrible accident.

They arrive at the Pearly Gates where Saint Peter is waiting.
The women want to get into Heaven.

So, Saint Peter looks through the book, but can't find them listed in the New Arrivals section.
"I'm sorry," Saint Peter says to them, "but I can't find you in the book, there must be some mistake."
With that, he sends them down to Hell.

A week later, God asks Saint Peter:

"What happened to those Jewish ladies who were supposed to be here?"
"You mean the ones from Temple Beth Israel?" Saint Peter asks. "I didn't see them listed, so I sent them to Hell."
"You what?" God asks outraged, "I wanted them here.

If you want to keep your job Saint Peter, you better call Satan and get them back up here ASAP."
St. Peter gets on the phone and calls Hell.

Satan answers.

St. Peter:
"Satan you know those Jewish ladies I sent down there last week? Well I really need them up here. Could you please send them back?"
"No way," Satan replies.

"They're here two days and they've already raised $100,000 for an air conditioning system."