Jokes 2 Go
YOUR JoKe:On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on.
The waist alone was twice her body.She said,
"I can't wear your pants.""That's right," intoned the groom, "And don't you forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants in the family."The bride took off her panties and asked her husband to try it on."No way. I can't get into your panties." he said."That's right. And that's the way it'll be until you change your attitude." she said and smiled.
YOUR StOrY: A week after high school I was shipped off to a military college with a no contact with home policy. Not a good idea, but my idea. I returned home at the end of the quarter to find my mother, father, and the home I grew up in were gone. She thought the vacant lot was a great joke.
It was. But if I ever talk to a therapist,
I'm going to mention this.=-=-=-=-=
Elongated Peni$es.Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, over sized peni$es. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers."It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied."I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated peni$es?""No sir, our mother.""Your mother? You idiot, women don't have peni$es!""I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best as she could."
Spring.Vovochka asks the teacher:
"Why is that: two halves of my pen screw and they don't have any children?" The teacher is furious and she runs to the director. He comes to the class and Vovochka repeats his question."Haven'tcha noticed the spring in there?"
What Are You, A Sex Maniac?Jones, who had been away on an extended trip, had very romantic plans for his first night home. He broached them to his wife, who promptly said:
"Oh, I'm sorry, dear, but I've got to do all of this laundry. Another time, please." The next night Jones tried again, and his wife said:
"Oh my, I would like to dear, but it wouldn't be any good. I've got this terrible headache. Please give me a rain check." By the third night, Jones was rather impatient. "How about it?" he said urgently. Whereupon, Mrs. Jones snapped.
"This is the third night in a row you've asked. What are you? Some kind of a sex maniac?"
Secrets To A Happy Marriage! It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans.It is important to find a woman who makes good money.It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex.
JEWISH Recall Notice.Regardless of make or year, all units known as "human beings" are being recalled by the Manufacturer.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named "Adam" and "Eve" resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect is technically termed,
"Serious Internal Non-morality," but more commonly known as "SIN." Some of the symptoms of the SIN defect: [a] Loss of direction[b] Lack of peace and joy[c] Depression[d] Foul vocal emissions[e] Selfishness[f] Ingratitude[g] Fearfulness[h] Rebellion[i] JealousyThe Manufacturer is providing factory authorized repair service free of charge to correct the SIN defect.The Repair Technician, Hashem, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs.To repeat, there is no fee required.The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.Once connected please upload the burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure.
Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Hashem, into the heart component of the human unit.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Hashem will replace it with: [a] Love[b] Joy[c] Peace[d] Kindness[e] Goodness[f] Faithfulness[g] Gentleness[h] Patience[I]Self-controlPlease see the operating manual, TORAH, for further details on the use of these fixes.
As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units a facility enabling direct monitoring and assistance from the resident Maintenance Technician, Hashem. Repaired units need only make Him welcome and He will take up residence on the premises.WARNING: Continuing to operate a human being unit without corrections voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will ultimately result in the human unit being incinerated.Thank you for your immediate attention.Please assist by notifying others of this important recall notice.
