Deft Definitions

Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.

Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest.piece.

Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.

Dictionary:
A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father:
A banker provided by nature.

Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills and kills you with his bills.

Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

  Divorce:
Future tense of marriage.