Good One On Lawyers! & Other Stories!!!

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.

This bookkeeper is deaf, and it was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the bookkeeper:

"Where is the $10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back:

"I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather:

"He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says:

"Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the underling:

"He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back:

"OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney:

"Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies:

"He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger!!"

*DON'T YOU JUST LOVE LAWYERS?*

 

 

Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.

Nick the Dragon, slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them.

 

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor.

Horatio the Physician, exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.

 

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed.

 

Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

 

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.

Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.

 

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

 

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins.

With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost!

 

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear.

The King, immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...

 

 

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him.
"Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they   only   know   how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed.

Then, he thought for a   moment.
"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and   read   the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the   cage   with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your   parrots are sure to stop  saying that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the   solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's   house.
As   he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding   rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them .

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:

"Hi,   we're   hookers!  Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence!
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and   exclaimed, 

"Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered ."